Confessions of a Cohen Chick....

[Megsy]

Hi all,

{mood} Firstly... this isn't going to be pretty. Secondly... I've been knocking myself about the head for the last few days so please don't feel you need to also. Thirdly... it's great to be back amongst champions again. Fourthly... we're all human!

OK - so I'm an emotional eater. What's a girl to do? I'm writing this thread as a form of therapy - so I don't expect replies a plenty, but at the same time I'm sure we're all been in the head space I'm about to relay to you and so there may be a few?

It all started one sunny day whilst driving the 4 hour drive to Denver just over a week ago. Just me, my stepmum and the open road! Felt a bit like Thelma and Louise - just we didn't pick up the Brad Pitt lookalike along the way. Oh or drive off a cliff!!

Anyway I digress. I came back from the weekend away and had lost weight, 2 pounds if I recall correctly yaaay! And basically I haven't moved from that mark since, yoyoing up and down by a pound over the week. And I know exactly why - let me just say that a few items have passed these lips which haven't exactly been 100% Cohens. Why? Well it's been an emotional week and I've succumbed to my habit of satisfying that emotional need with food and drink. More drink than food actually, a few skinny lattes to be specific. What triggered it was a combination of the metaphysical fair last weekend, and Easter weekend just gone as my dad passed away Easter Saturday last year. So having my stepmum here, whilst being fantastic there have also been alot of tears still dealing with the grief. My dad and stepmum were very much in love and it breaks my heart to see her missing him so much.... it's very sad. If anyone has some helpful tips on how to help one deal with grief - I'm all ears..

So to quote the lyrics of a famous Beatles song:{band}
"Help me if you can I'm feeling down..."
"And I do appreciate you being round..."
"Help me get my feet back on the ground..."
"Won't you please, please help me - help me - help meeee ooooo"

I was doing the whole smelling thing that's discussed on another recent thread, whilst cooking pizzas for the family, cheese croissants, banana cake... my nostrils had flared considerably! Then a couple of spoon licks snuck in and before I knew it I was chewing some of these forbidden tastes. I should change my name to Eve... But today is a new day!! munchies:

I'm also going to post some photos in the "my progress". A before and a during - I'm going to do this to help boost my confidence and use as a motivational tool. I have another long standing issue which I've been able to hide behind my weight to avoid it. I was 24 when I was last thin, and I received alot of attention and didn't know how to handle it. Now 12 years on, happily married with two gorgeous kids, I thought I was ready to peel back the layers to reveal the real me. But I've found that comments about my weight loss have begun and all those insecurities have resurfaced. Now please - I know I'm no Claudia Schiffer, and millions of beautiful people exists on this planet and get throught their day to day life accepting compliments and it's not an issue. But for me... it's a real stumbling block? Some visits to Dr Phil's or Oprah's website might help me understand myself better there, but for this past week I've really struggled embracing the changes and desperately need to re-focus and dedicate my attention on my reasons for doing this - my health!! :peace:

I still find reading all the threads brilliant and inspiring! But I've struggled with the food choices - just basically bored with them. Even having an ex chef as a husband who's used all his knowledge to create different dishes for me and using some of the recipes in this forum... I think it was Bronwyn who said there's still only so many ways you can use a mushroom, (sorry if I misquoted you Bronwyn).

Anyway, as I said it's been the emotional aspect which has bought me undone this past week. I want to be healthy, I want to be happy and I want to be comfortable in my own skin. The only way that's going to happen is to smile, drink water, occupy my mind with happy thoughts and bead til my fingers bleed!

Thanks for listening all.... I feel so much better just for fessing up and sharing with you all. I know you'll hug me back and encourage me to keep at it which is all this little black duck needs. Hugs all round and welcome to all the new members :hii:- it's fantastic to see so many new threads.

Oh - just for an FYI for the newbees - I'm in my 7th week, have lost 31 pounds to date and have 38 pounds to go.

Chat again soon:Megsy (Eve)

[MrsPeel]

Dear Megsy,

Here's how to handle compliments: "Thank you!" Don't let the fear of drawing attention keep you from achieving your weight loss goal!
As for falling off (and on, and off) the Cohen wagon, don't look back - re-dedicate yourself today and you can and will lose the rest of the weight!!!!
I am re-upping tomorrow for my second 12 weeks, and I know I will reach my goal. Shall we do it together?? :)

[cyberella]

hey, megs!!
we certainly ride the same wave!!
i, 2, used 2 hide bhind some fatty-layers, as i couldnt deal with the kind and amount of attention i got then-
i sure hope things have changed as i did therapy 4 quite a while and think that i am ready now..

and i have been under a lot of stress with my baby's accident the last couple of days and "cheated" also...
on the fruit-portions and cracker-frequences (had sometimes 4 instead of 3 times)-
as the strain takes up loz of calories and i not only am dizzy all the time (iz TOM also), but hungry as well-
and i have deviated due 2 the fact that i HATE being hungry by now!!! (i might have a higher basal metabolic rate, as i dont know y i'm still hungry after 70 days of diet!!!!!)

PLEASE, DONT B 2 HARD ON YOURSELF!!!

i'm not even able 2 imagine what iz like loosing a parent and i dont blame u 4 being emotional that time of year!!

but it would mayb b a good idea 2 make a plan on what 2 do in times of stress and when the going gez tuff-
otherwise it'll b a constant (weight)battle whenever u bcome emotional..
i read in another post that there r loz of boox on emotional eating in the us!!
please, try and find some, as they will not only bring light in2 your problems but will also help u during reading and dieting 2 not deviate anymore-
i'll try 2 find some literature like that, 2- but am sure i have 2 buy those in the us and have my sister bring them 2 me.

thinking of u!!! love, babi

[cyberella]

hey, my one and only mrs. peel!!
rite answer on the complimenz- as always u r the coolest!

wish u all the best 4 the next (and last) round!!! :love7::flower::love7:

[Hugentobler]

Megsy- Here is your hug.{bighug} You took the brave step of telling people where you are with yourself...how you feel... and what you are going to do now. Thank you for trusting us. You are almost half way there. Hang in there.

[Megsy]

Hi there to the marvelous Mrs Peel and smiley Cyberella!
Thank you to you both - I feel truely touched by your words.

Cy - my thoughts are so with you and you're little man, what an unfortunate accident - the wind blowing the door shut. I remember when Elly burnt her hand badly at about 15months and the anguish is overwhelming! Here's hoping the stitches keep it together. And I will look for some books, I feel the therapy I've been to throughout the years would have helped but we're forever evolving and learning about ourselves so there's obviously still some work to do there.

And darling Mrs Peel - you're on, lets reach our goal! I'd be honoured to walk the road with you. And you're right about saying "thankyou" and I've said it, but I guess it's the part where I've got to start believing and owning it. I heard a great saying the other day: "I can't control how others perceive me, but I can control how I present myself". So here's to top presentations from now on!

Cheers ladies!
xox

[Megsy]

Hey Amylynn,

Thanks for the hug, I just luuuvvv hugs!! Here's one back at ya :hug: - How are things with you? Has your plateau sped up? You are often in my thoughts.... love reading your posts too so please keep em up!

[Bronwyn]

Hello Dear Megsy,

Thank you so much for sharing your frustrations with us and for allowing us to listen. I'm so sorry you had a hard time and I DO know how painful the loss of a parent can be. I lost my Dad just before Christmas 2004 in a car accident. The day I found out was the single worst day of my life and the pain still gets to me now and again. I do know that he is in a better place and that he watches over my family and I. It certainly helped to have my sister to share in the grief and we helped each other when feeling down. My heart goes out to you and your step mom. Nothing can replace having your Dad physically with you, but do believe that he is fine and someday you will be reunited.

I also can relate completely to not wanting the attention that comes with being thin. To me, I guess, the fat is a "safe" zone where I control what others think of me. I also didn't miss the attention from all the men (you know it's not always the good looking ones that ogle and stare, right?) and I am quite, as one friend puts it, a "weirdo magnet". I am also going to try to work through that part and accept the compliments and mostly enjoy how good I FEEL and how HEALTHY I am.

You are doing great and there's no sense in beating yourself up any more than you already have. Mrs. Peel is right - just jump in and get back to it! Yes - You know I was also bored with the food choices, but that does seem to have passed for now. I think it'll just be up and down until we get to our goal weight and at least we've got each other to get us through.

[Megsy]

Hey Bronwyn,
:flower:
Your words are so true and wise! I thankyou for sharing also and I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, what an awful shock that would of been. I too find it startling when that grief comes up and bites you again, time does ease the loss but it doesnt take much to trigger a sob it seems (I tend to sob the most in the shower, so not to distress my kids hence I dont shower much - JOKING).
After going through the loss of my mum in mid 2005 I thought I would handle dad's loss a little better, but it ended up being a double whammy, both had cancer, both under the age of 60, both gone too soon.
I have an older sister but she lives on a different wave length and although we're there for each other we're going through things at different rates (does that make sense?) {duh}
I have strong beliefs on what happens after this life and beyond :innocent2: I know they're both around but I just miss them, talking to them, hugging them all that earthly stuff.
I can also relate to the weirdo magnet - but my theory there is the brighter your light, the more people are drawn to you. A bit like the moth theory, so in a way it's a backwards compliment!
And again you're right - we've all got each other to get us through! For all the challenges life throws at us, its the people around you that help you, lift you and teach you.
Big hug to you Bronwyn.... {bighug}

[Bronwyn]

Oh Megsy - I've got tears in my eyes! You are a beautiful person and I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost both parents and in such a horrible way. Again, I can relate. I have a very dear friend, a second Mom to me really, who is battling cancer right now and it is horrible to watch someone you love wither away from that horrible disease. I had lost another dear friend and mentor to the illness years back and so this time I recognize what is going on and it's horrible. Life sure throws us these challenges and that is what it is all about - getting through the best you can and staying strong in the end. The bad moments also make us recognize how good life can be when it's right too. Yes - the waves of grief hit you when you least expect them too. I still have them now and then and they come out of nowhere. I'm so glad to hear you've got such a strong spiritual belief as I think that is so important in our grief process. We who are left here are the ones who are still suffering from missing our loved ones.

Big hug right back to you Megsy. You're quite a woman and an inspiration. Keep it up!

[Megsy]

Hey Bronwyn... you're in the LA region aren't you? Promise me when I get to travel over that way, that I can look you up and give you a big skinny hug in person? {friendhug} Then we'll both go look up Mrs Peel and give her one too! I've never been in any forums before or chat groups - but I've got such alot out of this one that I can certainly appreciate how life long friendships/relationships form from this ability to connect to such diverse, inspiring, amazing people! Thank god for computers and the WWW hey?!

Have you got private messages on? Just I'd love to talk to you more about the metaphysical side of things, as I must confess I got a buzz when I read your post that you want to get back into that. Send me a private message if you want to open that door some more...

It is the experiences of life that shape who we are, how we deal with them, what we learn from them - and it links in with why we're here today becoming conquering cohens cohorts! So I'm all for exploring these avenues, sharing the challenges because I know for sure that in just doing that in the last few days I've learnt more about myself and that's always a good thing!

Have a great day all
xox

[Bronwyn]

Hey Megsy girl!

I'd love to turn on my private messages but can't figure it out... How do I do that? I'd love to talk more about all of that stuff and I was excited to see that you're so into it.

Yes - I'm in the LA Area and would LOVE to meet you should you ever get out this way to visit. Mrs. Peel seems to live rather close by too so we could have a little party.

[MrsPeel]

Hey, Bron -

Go to your Control Panel and select "Edit Options" - on that page, you will see a section about Messaging, and there you can enable private messages and add names to your Buddy List. You are already on mine, so I can receive messages from you.

Can't wait for an L.A. Cohen Girls Get-Together!

[Bronwyn]

Thanks, once again, dear Mrs. Peel. I did manage to figure it out after finding your other post instructing Megsy on how to turn it on. I immediately added you to my buddy list too. That is another nice feature of this forum.

[Shasha]

{hi} there Megsie and Maties

I want to give you all a {grouphug1} - it's wonderful to see how you've all stood by Megsie, making sure that your diet Buddie doesn't get left behind, but that Megsie is going to make it with you! That's the spirit!

Megsie: how are you doing now? You've been through a lot in the last little while and I'm really sorry to hear that you lost both your parents due to cancer :comfort:

From the diet's point of view, I just want to ask how you are doing? Since getting back on the bus, have you managed to stay 100% back on track or still on and off?

If you're doing 100%, then it's perfect, but if you are struggling because the deviations have triggered cravings, please let us know so that we can give you some tips.


BE STRONG LADIES!!! {grouphug1}

[Megsy]

Hi Shasha,

Thanks for your support, and yes I need a few tips to be honest. Those slight deviations have triggered cravings that seem to hit me mid afternoon and it seems to coincide with the "witching hour" of our kids. So my patience gets rapidly worn and I slipped off again yesterday. :aint:

Today I've woken with 100% dedication and determination (as I have since last weeks deviations) but I'm afraid come this afternoon I'll be tempted again. We are heading out for the day so I should be occupied enough and I have been drinking extra water to flush out the cravings that I triggered...

But please - any tips I'll welcome gladly! I have also noted the difference in how I feel. I've physically felt absolutely lousy the following day when I have given into temptation. So that's proven to me how good the Cohens lifestyle is when followed 100%, my energy is better, my clarity is better, my moods are better - what triggered my deviations again...?

Thankyou all so much for your support, I would have surely slipped into a starch and sugar free for all had it not been for you wonderful people. To be honest I'm disappointed in myself because when I started Cohens I had an absolute conviction that I was never going to deviate and I was going to reach my goal by Summer. I'm constantly suprised at events that present themselves which test my strengths and prove my patterns and behaviours. So this has proven to me that there's still some strength I need to dig deeper for. And yes - it all linked to my emotions...

I will reach my goal! I am committed to becoming healthier and younger looking! I am looking for alternatives for when I'm emotionally challenged! I am doing this... for me...{cheerleader}

Big hugs everyone {grouphug1} and thankyou again... have to go... can feel a sob coming on....{violin}

[Bronwyn]

Hi There Megsy,

Well, glad to hear you're re-dedicated this morning so now you've just got to keep it up. I know it isn't easy, but you have to realize that if you just wait it out, the temptation or craving will go away. I used to smoke (did you?) and this reminds me of quitting smoking in that if you can just wait out the craving it will definitely go away and the more you do that, the longer and longer between cravings and the cravings will be shorter.

I also try to space out my snacks in between my meals so I always have something to eat soon. I eat my breakfast and about 1 1/2 to 2 hours later my crackers then 1 1/2 to 2 hours after that my fruit, then about an hour later it's time for my meal again. If I get hungry or have cravings between that I chew gum. Also - fill up on water and/or have a diet soda as that is filling for your tummy.

You have already recognized that the cravings subside and/or nearly go away when you follow the plan 100% so try your best to do that!! So far I have only cheated in my dreams and boy are they so realistic. I always feel horrible in my dreams for having cheated, but can remember vividly the taste of the cookies (or chocolate or whatever) I ate in my dream.

Good job calling us in for help. Hopefully I've given a couple of ideas you haven't tried yet. Hang in there and no more deviating!

[cyberella]

lucky bron!! :cloud9:

so u dont only have something 2 space out during the day, but u also found a good way 2 have some nice snax 4 the nite-time cravinx, :munchies:
esp. as these meals seem 2 b vivid and the taste stays in your memory till the next day!!

so, thaz the secret how u could stay so dedicated and strong so far :flirt:-
u found a way 2 make this diet really work 4 u!!
u r some smart girl, bronwyn :clapping3:!!

[Hugentobler]

Megsy- My solution for temptation and cravings is gum (just like Bronwlyn said). I chew the brand "5". It has a strong flavor that last a long time. I chew it when I'm making dinner or treats for the kids so I don't "accidently" slip anything into my mouth. I chew it when I'm at a party and am around the food table. I chew it when others around me are eating what I want. (I should buy some stock in it. I chew it so much.) My weakest time is 4:00 pm. So I eat an apple on the way home from work and try to keep a water bottle close. It helps me get to dinner. I also have my family keep me in line. They won't let me cheat and are my biggest cheerleaders. My 5 yr. old daughter is always asking me if I'm eating healthy and my son double checks that I measure everything. I hope that helps a little. Hang in there. Also remember that Spring is here. Get out of the house and go for a walk to avoid those cravings.

[cyberella]

..what a lovely family u have!! :party1:
i can only dream of support of that kind!!
u must b so very happy having them and having them b so dedicated 2 their mommy's success!!! :)

[cyberella]

oh, and u r so rite bout the gum!
i ran out of them 2day and it wasnt a fun day at all in that department!! i realized how much they help me get through the day, eventhough they dont help with the hunger, but with the "occupation" of the yaws and mouth..

[Megsy]

Thankyou all!

I actually bought some gum tonight when I dashed to the shop to get some teething gel for our son. He's not had a good day poor little lamb. It's past midnight and he's still not settled - no teeth yet and if this is an indication of whats to come - eeek!

I used to be a huge gum chewer in high school, can't believe I hadn't embraced it yet! - I couldn't find "5" so I've got sugar free Extra.

As I mentioned on an earlier post, we were out today and yes I was definately occupied enough not to think about eating. Infact my stepmum, the kids and myself went for a nice drive, thought we'd take an alternative route back home and basically got lost!! Ended up on what should have only been tackled in a 4 wheel drive vehicle - mud, dirt, snow, car sliding all over the place, knuckles white on the steering wheel, dry mouth type of wrong turn!! We arrived home around 6pm, tired, gasping with disbelief - I mean things could have turned out alot worse - and then fell into a heap laughing!!

Hmmm... don't think I'll do that everyday though just to avoid the cravings!

Thanks again everyone for supporting me - you are all treasures!
xox

[Shasha]

{hi} there Megsie

To be honest, that is what I was scared of... I've already posted a really long FALLEN OFF THE BUS thread... I've just replied to the thread, so you will find it towards the top of support and I really want you to read it... PRINT IT and keep it close for the next few days...


:bighug: my friend you can do this!!!
I believe in you!!! {cheerleader}

Please promise us - all your Diet Buddie,s that you won't eat any wrong foods again :praying: - rather come chat when you feel the urge!


Is that a deal???

[Megsy]

Done deal! I'm off to read the other post....
Thanks Shasha!

[Bronwyn]

Megsy dear you make me laugh out loud! Thanks for sharing your harrowing journey with your stepmum and your kids. What an adventure. And no, I don't think you should plan on doing that every day to avoid cravings!