A re-beginner...

[val2zap]

HI All,

I'm on here because I have "officially" begun Cohen's once again. for those that may be casually glancing at this, it does not mean the diet was a failure in the past - it was all me.

I started this diet 2 years ago and got 5 weeks in and 27 pounds lost (started at 203 lbs) when I fell off the wagon. I'm one of those crazy, insane "dog people" and at the time my first dog that I owned as an adult got very sick and then we had to put her down. All that emotional turmoil sent me back into my bad eating habits because of course I don't let my emotions out all that well. So, I comfort myself with food.

I was able to keep the 27 pounds off for a good 6 months or so, but eventually eating a whole package of double stuffed chocolate oreos 2 times a week is going to have it's toll!

So for two years I've been saying - get back on the horse. The meal plan has always been taped to my kitchen cabinet where I can always see it. I did start again for 2 weeks last year for my 20th HS reunion and dropped 10 pounds again. But alas, I did not continue.

I know me. I need a catalyst to get my lazy butt in gear. Weighing 205 lbs again didn't do it. Looking even worse than I did two years ago at that weight, didn't do it for me either (everything changes when you're two years older).

What did it for me - which is so vain - is my Hubby's niece and her husband going on Weight Watchers and losing weight. Our niece - we'll call her Tonya - was obese. she's a few years younger than me, but has been obese for years and very unmotivated when it comes to dieting - she always had an excuse why she couldn't lose the weight and didn't even try to go on a diet. Well, now she's dropped 50 pounds and her husband has dropped 60 and I realized that if they kept going (which I sincerely hope they do), then MY Hubby and ME will be the "fat ones" in the family. I couldn't stand that. I always had them to compare ourselves to.

It's strange what will motivate you.:thinking: Anyhoo, I saw them at a family get together the last weekend of August and resolved to start the plan the day we got back. I did weigh myself everyday because of course I have that dieter's and that "get-rich-quick" mentality of I need this to happen now and fast! I was really good for about 3 weeks. I dropped 18 pounds in the first 3 weeks (but I dropped 10 in the first week). I felt very excited.

But, of course, my usual self comes shining through with deviations. I realized I really needed to reconnect with 1PD and get a whole new blood test and thus pay the starting fee again (which I was hoping to avoid to no avail). And so, as I got that process going again, I began cheating with the saltines. I would eat a whole sleeve in a day. I read somewhere else on the boards of people getting addicted to them and I laughed at the similarites. So, of course my mental rationalization was "I will be strict again when I get my new plan". I did manage to lose 20 pounds prior to my new meal. But stayed stagnant with that weight loss after 6 weeks of being on the old program.

The good news though - I have remained sugar free with the obvious foods for the past 7 weeks. I say "obvious" because I read some of my spice labels and found some of them contain sugar. But, I have not cheated with cakes, cookies, icing, candy. And, boy, I really could.

It is obvious to me though, that (if) we cheat with the crackers it's because they are carbs and carbs convert to sugar, so in a sense we are still getting our sugar fix - even though we aren't tasting the sweetness.

Well, I got my new plan yesterday and so I am back on track (hopefully). I am back into my OCD mode and read a lot of threads yesterday (totally ignoring the work I have to do at my job). I loved, loved, loved the before and after pictures and I'm really hoping this time I will make it to re-feed. What I noticed about the pictures that amazed me was how little all the weight loss people looked. Too me, it seemed as though not only did they lose the fat, but they also lost their bone structure or something. I guess when you have 50-100 pounds extra on your body it's easy to be tagged "big-boned", but everyone looked so "small-boned" after their success. I am so hoping that will be me 3 months from now.

The biggest thing with me (and probably all of us) is working on the mental part to avoid going back to bad habits after or during our road to recovery. I have realized after a few years of intermittent therapy, that I am truly like an alcoholic with food. So, staying away from the sweet stuff is crucial for me. If I have even one candy bar/cookie, it will send me over the deep end with over eating. Well, I guess I will worry about that when I get to the maintenance part.

So, here I am, starting afresh at 186 pounds. Goal weight is 134-140. I lost two pounds last night (probably the salted water weight from all those damn crackers), but I'm happy. I will try to stay off the scale daily, but I think I will have to do it weekly.

You'll be hearing from me!

[Snip]

Welcome back Val2zap!
I'm almost the end of my fisrt month and between the ups and downs, its been good. Didnt loose as much as others in their first month, but atleast I didnt loose nothing!
Hope you see this through. I also had a friend that I compared myself to and then she lost weight! So I know how you feel..

Good luck!
I'm rooting for you!

[KMac]

Hi Val2zap,
Congratulaitons on finding your way back! I think the thing w/ your neice is normal- I would go to family& friends parties and looking around to see if I was the biggest one there-I don't know why I did it, I just did. But don't let that be the only reason you are here, be here for yourself/ I think the biggest thing with this diet is don't treat it like a quick fix. There is a lot to learn about yourself on this diet journey, to me that is one of the most important things I have gotten our of DC so far. Our eating is an addiction, it steals our peace and to keep our peace we have to learn our triggers before we put the sugar/food in our mouth.
I was a diet know-it-all and when I came to DC I had to put aside everything I thought I knew about dieting- because really if I was so good at it why was I 225? right? I had to open up, drop my ego and surrender to this diet and do it DC way.
Good luck in your journey,

[Key]

Nice to meet you Val! Welcome back. It's good to read your honest assessment of the errors of your ways. I learned a long time ago that I couldn't purchase treats in quantity or I'd eat them all at one time. But I was too proud to be the fat chick going into the bakery for a single cookie... I think this is when I became a great cook.

Don't be ashamed of what motivated you to come back... I say do whatever it takes. If you want to be here, we want you and will do everything in our power to keep you on track. You can do this. If you don't think you can restrict the crackers to your allotment then ask your consultant if there is another way - maybe you should try a different cracker? I ask the consultants lots of questions - if I even have a hint of an idea that I might be doing something wrong I ask. I want the weight to be gone and I want to do it as efficiently as possible.

Note to KMac - several years ago I read something that stated "the fatter the person the more they know about dieting". I believe it was meant to be tongue in cheek but there's real truth in the words too!

[val2zap]

Hi All,

Thanks for the welcome and the encouragement. I think the hardest part right now is all the "thinking" about the weight coming off. It's like waiting for Xmas as a kid. You can't wait for it to get here and that night you can't sleep at all. That's how I feel about losing this next 45 pounds or so. I just want it to be done. And you're all so right about sitting back and letting go of all I know and just following the program as it's meant to be. I have a hard time relinquishing control, but when you mentioned it here, it was kinda like an AH-HA moment for me. Wouldn't it be nice to just let go and let someone else tell me what to do? That's what this is. DC knows what he's doing - as all of you have proved with your success. I need to trust that. Maybe I'll start meditating with that and I'll get rid of this inner anxiety I place on myself.

I'm still OCD-ing, and reading through more threads, so I'll be here for awhile today. hehe.

[mommabear]

Val,

Thanks for being so honest about your demons! I have several demons of my own!!!

I too compare myself to others and am currently have a competition with someone here at work that had lap band surgery the same week I started my diet. (The other person doesn't know I am competing with her...only me:)) I am trying to lose more than her without the surgery! So we all have things that we probably are not proud of and honestly we probably do a lot of it for survival. We do not live in a fat friendly world!

:) Remember nothing tastes as good as thin feels. So what if you miss a cake or binging at Christmas...there is always another cake and another Christmas. This diet is truly learning what your triggers are and how to manage them.

One of my triggers is anxiety. Any time I feel anxious I want to put food in my mouth. Another trigger is the sound of football on TV. I recently discovered this one! I want to snack as soon as I hear the announcers, the crowd, etc. So, we all have our demons. But, pay attention and listen to your body and figure out those triggers and find another way to deal with it.

I am on this forum everyday because it motivates me! Good luck!

[KGLocal12]

Val,
Your not alone!! I'm a crazy OCD dog person too.
Mommabear, I love your words so encouraging nice to read before the Holidays!!
Thanks
Kimberly

[val2zap]

Thanks Ladies.

I caught a glimpse of Valerie bertinelli on Good Morning America. One of her "rules" is to remember that boredom does not mean it's meal time! :) I think that's so funny, because I sure can eat when I'm bored! OR when I'm reading. Or when I'm watching tv. Or when I'm anxious. etc etc.

I am hoping that I can keep this positive obsessive behavior for longer than 3 weeks which seems to be my m.o. for obsessions. But, I love when I'm in this weight loss phase as I am right now. It is liberating and I feel like a reformed smoker who is constantly preaching - only I don't have anyone to preach to yet.

The only thing that makes me sad is no one has really noticed that I lost 20 pounds. They only say something after I tell them. Does that mean that I was so big and still am that 20 pounds doesn't register on my body? :( I think this week it will become noticeable though. If I can get into the 170's - which is where I was when I stopped 1PD two years ago, I looked pretty darn good. I'll keep praying:praying:

[Samantha]

Val2zap, I don't know how I missed this story, you seem to have put into words so many of my own feelings, it was great to read. I decided right at the start to NOT eat crackers {noway}only to use them to cook with in my food. I found that when I ate them I just wanted more, so I decided to not eat them, and I don't miss them at all. The quanitity is so small whats the point of eating them at all, it just sets the craving off!!!!!!!! I laughed at what motivated so many of us to do this diet, I had the same, my sister in law is getting married in Apr next year, and I don't want to be the only fat person at the wedding!!!! Great motivation isn't it. But now I'm happy to just do it for me. I love the way I keep having to add a new knotch to my belt, and put clothes away because they just look awful and saggy now, and to be able to pull my jeans down without having to undo them!!! LOL..... I don't look at the scale anymore. Good luck, and we are all here to help each other. Sam{cheerleader}

[val2zap]

Hey Sam,

I think everyone has similar stories and motivation. Makes you feel like you are not alone in the world, right? This weight gain and weight loss is nothing unique to you (you-in the general sense). There is always someone else out there that has experienced the same thing you have - so why do we torture ourselves with bad thoughts and turn inward? We should definitely be reaching out - which we can do here, for sure.

You're right about the crackers - they can be addicting for someone like me. I wish I had the strength to just use them in my food - but I still need to do something with my hands periodically. So, instead of reaching for a cookie (none in the house), I'll reach for a cracker. Maybe once I'm not so hungry I can back away from them more and more.

I'm so happy for you that you are able to pull your pants down without undoing them! that is so AWESOME! I remember, the first time around, my suit pants were like that. I was so shocked when I put them on and they were falling down. I want that feeling back again. I barely fit into those same pants this summer - my butt was definitely too big. I will have to try them on soon to see how they fit - 3 weeks ago they were still too snug.

[Kala Lina]

The only thing that makes me sad is no one has really noticed that I lost 20 pounds. They only say something after I tell them. Does that mean that I was so big and still am that 20 pounds doesn't register on my body? :( I think this week it will become noticeable though. If I can get into the 170's - which is where I was when I stopped 1PD two years ago, I looked pretty darn good. I'll keep praying:praying:

Val,

It has been my experience that people do notice. A few years back people I work with were asking if I was losing weight (and I was) but I didn't think anyone had noticed. That gave me great motivation to keep going. On the flip side, I think many people are afraid to mention anything as to not hurt any feelings in case someone hasn't lost weight.

Even at 186, there should be a noticeable difference in your face from your unofficial start...that's usually where I notice it on people first - partly because we tend to still wear the same clothes until we absolutely have to get smaller ones. In the past I had the skinny body, but I still had my fat mentality and I covered my body up so it was hard for people to notice the changes I made.

Keep your head up! I'll be joining you in maybe a week or so as a 2nd timer. I just got my email about the blood test which I will probably have done Saturday morning and I will be waiting for my new program.

[KMac]

I think I was at about 30 pounds before people noticed I was losing weight.
If you dressed w/ baggy clothes or big sweaters and coats, its hard for people to tell

[Aqua Eyes]

I have had people ask me if I'm sick and that is why I lost the weight. Sick?! ... Me??? Ha! One guy did notice the weight loss but didn't want to offend me by commenting on how the weight loss looked good on me. People can be funny like that. It wasn't until I lost 30 pounds that people started to really notice, especially since I had to go out and get smaller clothes. I agree with KMac... if you are wearing your old baggy clothes, most folks may not notice the weight loss.

[Samantha]

Val2zap, by your 4 week weigh in, so long as you remain 100% on the diet you will be pulling your trousers down without opening them!!!! and adding more notches in your belt. That really gives me a thrill. {rofl} I can't wait to see your progress, and I love this forum, it really makes me realise that I'm not alone on this journey of mine, and it makes things so much easier, especially as most of the pitfalls have been covered and advise and Tough Love :noway:are all availabe from the great people here. Look forward to reading your posts and seeing how you get on. Sam :applause:

[Ms. CrackerHead]

I should be getting a new program soon!!

Hope to lose my regained 20- 25#..maybe? I lost double that last time, so we'll see what Dr. Cohen recommends....I can't wait to start again and get to my happy weight!!

I'll check in on you to see your progress, too!

Ms. Crackerhead:)

[PosterGal]

Welcome - I'm a re-beginner too! I'm glad to have company. :party1:

[Tccfld]

Hi Val2zap,

I can relate to your situation. I am a restarter myself, I lost 30 lbs on Cohen's diet and felt great. And like you, I kept it off for months and thought there is no way i'll gain it back. But guess what, it's back. I tried to restart the diet plan on my own and I failed multiple times. So, I did my blood work again, and received my new meal plan and today is my first day. I made it through a Halloween Party with tons of sweets without even craving anything. I'm glad to know someone else like me is out there, and wish you the best of luck, I know you can do it.

[val2zap]

Glad to have all you re-beginners out there with me. We know it works. I never followed it all the way through. I had 65 pounds to lose back then and have 65-70 pounds to lose now. I am glad to have lost almost half that so far since my unofficial start the last week of August. But, alas, I berate myself because I could be further along had I not deviated for 3 weeks straight while waiting for my new plan and my official sign up. I'm in the plateau stage right now and it's frustrating as I am at the weight I was 2 years ago when I stopped Cohen's the first time. This is scary because this is when I would give up.

I don't feel like giving up but I have thoughts about deviating a bit and I have to stop that. sometimes I do give in to my thoughts, and other times I don't. We'll see.

[Kala Lina]

Don't give up again, Val. My official restart day is tomorrow. Let's redo it again together...and conquer it this time!